Evaluation

First of all, in preparation for writing my script, I collected all my initial ideas on a piece of paper for what my TV Drama could be about. It was set out in the form of a mind map. This helped me to find a topic to base my Drama on which later on would help me know what to put in my scripts, what characters to include, the location for the Drama etc.

Secondly, I created a questionnaire of 10 questions to find out what the public wanted in the new TV Drama. The questions included setting, character types and storylines. I asked 15 people for their opinions and from this I was able to find out what the people wanted in a new TV Drama. I then did a small summary of all the questions so that it was easy to see at a glance which of the options was a clear winner and what this meant. This helped me in writing my script as I now had all of the background information needed and all I needed now was the character’s speech.

I then typed up my first draft of the script. This helped me get the basic storylines and character’s speech laid out so that I could improve it and make it look and read more like a script at a later date. It also helped me to figure out the different storylines that would be going on in the Drama.

Next, I got two examples of TV Drama scripts so that I could analyse them to find out the generic conventions of a script so that I could make my script look more like a script. I found out how scripts are set out, how to show a character speaking off set, how to show character’s as a voice over and how to show interruptions in speech. I also found out how to show a scene has changed. This all helped me when writing my final draft as my script contains these things.

Then I watched ten minutes of two TV Dramas to see what moves the narratives along, how often they change scenes and how they do it and how new characters are introduced. This helped me to update my script in the second draft as I knew how often I should change scenes and how I can use the character’s speech to move the narrative along. This also helped me perfect my final draft.

I did a focus group of five people on the second draft of my script so that I could see what the public thought of my TV Drama so far and to find out what they suggested as improvements. They suggested that I make the speech and the stage directions separate so that the people reading the scripts wouldn’t get confused but overall the ideas were interesting and that the use of comedy between characters creates a TV Drama that should be interesting to watch.

Next, I wrote the third draft of my script and edited it so that the speech and the stage directions were separated so that in my final draft it would be easier to read. I also added in a few more stage directions so that the characters weren’t just standing still while talking but were actually doing actions.

Then I did some internet research and found out how to properly format slug lines. This helped in my final draft so that I could properly show whether the scene is inside or outside, the location of the scene and the time of day that the scene takes place. I found out how to show phone calls and how to include speech of the other person on the phone by using a voice over. I also found out how to cut off speech mid sentence. This helped my final draft of my script look more like a professional script. I then made all these changes on my fourth draft.

Next I got a few people to act out my script so that I could hear it being read out loud and pick up where the faults were in the script, where there were bits that the readers didn’t understand and where there could be improvements. I found that more stage directions needed to be added to large amounts of speech so there was more action and that there were a few grammatical errors which were corrected in my final draft.

Finally I made the format of my script look like a professional script by tabbing the speech to the centre of the page and I put it into a font that is commonly used in scripts. I read over the final draft of the script to check for any mistakes too.

(795)

Script Draft 5

LOST SOULS

1. INT. MYSTERIOUS ROOM. DAY

ZACH IS STOOD IN A ROOM. IT IS UNLIT; THE ONLY LIGHT IS COMING FROM A WINDOW. THE WALLPAPER IS RIPPED AND PEELING AWAY FROM THE WALL. THE FLOORS ARE WOODEN FLOORBOARDS AND THERE IS AN OLD FASHIONED LIGHT HANGING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CEILING. ZACH WALKS TOWARDS A PIECE OF LARGE TORN OFF WALLPAPER IN THE FAR LEFT CORNER OF THE ROOM.

    

ZACH

So sad.

HE STARTS TEARING AWAY THE WALLPAPER. AS HE MOVES ROUND THE ROOM HE TEARS AWAY A PIECE OF WALLPAPER ABOUT 1.5X1.5 METRES AND DISCOVERS A DOOR BEHIND IT. THE DOOR HAS AN AWKWARD SHAPED KEYHOLE ON THE LEFT SIDE AND IS ABOUT 1X1 METRES.

ZACH

(Shocked)

What the…

HE TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR BUT IT IS LOCKED. ZACH GOES DOWNSTAIRS TO HIS PARENTS IN THE KITCHEN.

2. INT. KITCHEN. DAY

THE KITCHEN LOOKS BARE AND IS FULL OF CARDBOARD BOXES. THERE IS A CENTRAL ROUND TABLE WITH 4 CHAIRS ROUND IT. THE WALL PAPER IS DULL AND RIPPED. THE FLOOR IS COVERED IN DINGY TILES. HIS PARENTS ARE UNPACKING. MUM IS PUTTING SHOPPING AWAY IN THE FRIDGE. DAD IS FIXING A CUPBOARD TO THE WALL.

ZACH

Mum? Are you busy?

MUM

A little but what’s up?

ZACH STEPS A LITTLE CLOSER TO MUM.

ZACH

How many keys were you given for this house?

MUM

What do you mean?

ZACH

Well, I know you got a front door key, and I know you got a back door key. Did you get any others?

MUM TURNS TO FACE ZACH.

MUM

(Hesitates)

No, I don’t think so. Why?

ZACH

No reason, I’m just curious.

MUM

Ok then.

MUM TURNS BACK TO THE BOX AND CONTINUES UNPACKING.

ZACH

Want some help?

MUM

Sure, you can unpack that box of plates over there; put them in the right hand side of the cupboard.

Zach

OK.

ZACH STARTS TO UNPACK THE PLATES, STACKING THEM IN THE CUPBOARD ON THE FAR RIGHT OF THE KITCHEN.

         

ZACH

Want me to do the bowls as well?

ZACH STARTS UNPACKING THE BOWLS AND PLACING THEM NEXT TO THE PLATES IN THE SAME CUPBOARD.

MUM

Yes please.

ZACH’S DAD ENTERS THE ROOM AND STANDS LOOKING AT ZACH

DAD

Zach, have you unpacked in your room?

ZACH

No, I’ll get on it in a second, Dad.

DAD

Good, but don’t just leave the job you’re doing for your mother half finished.

ZACH FINISHES STACKING THE BOWLS AND EXITS.

3. INT. MYSTERIOUS ROOM. DAY

ZACH IS STANDING BACK IN THE ROOM WITH THE MYSTERIOUS DOOR. IT HAS GOT SLIGHTLY DARKER.

ZACH

(Disappointed)

Shame.

ZACH COVERS THE CUPBOARD BACK UP WITH THE WALLPAPER. HE GOES INTO TO HIS BEDROOM.

4. INT. ZACH’S BEDROOM. DAY

ZACH STARTS UNPACKING THE BOXES. HIS MUM COMES INTO THE ROOM.

MUM

Zach have you got the spare bedding in here?

ZACH

I don’t think so, I’ll check in a minute.

ZACH’S DAD ENTERS THE ROOM.

DAD

(To MUM)

I’ve finished in the kitchen love. Anything else you want me to do or shall I start on building the shelves for Zach’s room now?

MUM

Start building the shelves; I’m going to start on the boxes for the dining room.

MUM AND DAD BOTH LEAVE THE ROOM. ZACH BEGINS RUMMAGING THROUGH BOXES. HE PRODUCES A PILE OF FOLDED BED LINEN.

ZACH

(Shouting)

Mum, I found the bedding.

MUM (O.S)

Thanks sweetie, just put it in my bedroom please.

ZACH GOES AND PLACES THE BEDDING IN HIS MUM’S BEDROOM THEN RETURNS TO HIS OWN ROOM WHERE DAD IS STANDING, EQUIPPED WITH TOOL BELT AND TOOL BOX FULL OF TOOLS.

DAD

Where do you want these shelves?

ZACH LOOKS ROUND HIS ROOM, THEN THEY BOTH LOOK AT EACHOTHER

ZACH

Urm, far wall by the window I think.

DAD

                                                          (turning to face ZACH)

You sure? You know what happened last time.

ZACH

Dad, I won’t change my mind and make you tear it all down at the last minute, just put them up there.

                                                                   DAD

Yes sir! Give me a hand carrying them upstairs?

           

ZACH 

Sure thing.

ZACH AND DAD LEAVE THE ROOM AND START CARRYING PLANKS OF WOOD INTO THE ROOM AND DUMPING THEM INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR.

MUM (O.S)

Anyone hungry? I’m thinking of getting a takeaway for tea.

           

DAD:

(Shouting)

Sure am, what we getting?

MUM (O.S)

I was thinking Chinese, is that ok?

ZACH

(To DAD)

Fine with me.

DAD

(Shouting)

Yeah that’s ok, get the usual.

THE SOUND OF THE FRONT DOOR SHUTTING IS HEARD FOLLOWED BY A CAR ENGINE ROARING TO LIFE AND THEN FADING AWAY INTO THE BACKGROUND.

DAD

Pass me that drill bit son.

ZACH PICKS UP THE DRILL BIT AND HANDS IT TO DAD.

         

ZACH

Want me to get you a drink or something dad?

DAD

Yeah if you don’t mind, water’s fine.

5. INT. KITCHEN. DAY

ZACH WALKS DOWNSTAIRS AND STARTS LOOKING THROUGH CUPBOARDS FOR A GLASS.

ZACH:

(Shouting upstairs)

Dad, where are the glasses?

DAD (O.S)

Your mother hasn’t unpacked them yet, they’re in the small box by the window.

ZACH WALKS OVER TO THE WINDOW AND OPENS THE BOX. HE REMOVES A GLASS AND FILLS IT WITH WATER FROM THE TAP. HE THEN WALKS BACK UPSTAIRS.

6. INT. ZACH’S BEDROOM. DAY

DAD IS NOT IN THE ROOM.

ZACH

(Shouting)

Dad?

DAD (O.S)

I'm in the garage, be up in a sec.

ZACH

Ok

A PHONE RINGS IN ZACH'S POCKET. HE ANSWERS IT.

ZACH

(Down the phone)

Hello?

MUM (V.O)

Hiya Zach it's mum, Chinese is closed, I can go to the other one but it means that tea is gonna be an hour away I’m afraid.

ZACH

Want me to ask dad?

MUM (V.O)

Yeah, but hurry up because I’m running low on credit.

ZACH

(Shouting)

Dad, Chinese closed, Mum wants to know if you wanna wait an hour and she'll go to the other one.

           

DAD (O.S)

Which one?

ZACH

(Shouting)

The one near Tesco.

DAD (O.S)

Yeah go there, I can wait

ZACH

Yeah mum, Dad says go to the other one.

THERE IS SILENCE ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE.

ZACH

Mum?

THERE IS STILL SILENCE. ZACH CHECKS HIS PHONE AND REALIZES THAT THE PHONE CALL HAS CUT OFF. DAD WALKS BACK INTO THE ROOM CARRYING A BOX OF SCREWS.

ZACH

Dad can I borrow your phone? Mum's run out of credit and I ran out a month ago.

         

DAD

Sure, back pocket.

ZACH RETRIEVES THE PHONE FROM DAD'S BACK POCKET.

ZACH

Password?

DAD

1 4 9 5.

ZACH TYPES THE PASSWORD AND SCROLLES THROUGH THE CONTACTS UNTIL HE FINDS MUM'S NUMBER. HE DIALS IT.

ZACH

Mum? Phone cut off.

MUM (V.O):

(Impatiently)

I know, I told you to hurry up, I’m out of credit.

                                                                    ZACH

Hey, don't stress at me, Dad wasn't in the room and he was being difficult.

MUM (V.O)

Ok, Ok, well am I going to the other one or not?

ZACH

Yeah.

         

THE PHONE GOES DEAD.

ZACH

Here, phone Dad.

ZACH PUTS THE PHONE BACK IN DAD’S POCKET.

           

DAD

Thanks, gonna start putting these shelves up now. I'll do the first one and you can watch and do the others.

ZACH

(Whilst walking out of the room)

Yeah Dad, whatever.

7. INT. LIVING ROOM. DUSK

THE LIVING ROOM IS POORLY DECORATED WITH RIPPED WALLPAPER. THERE IS ONE SETTEE AGAINST THE BACK WALL AND A TALL LAMP IN THE FAR RIGHT CORNER. THERE ARE ALSO SEVERAL BOXES STACKED AROUND THE ROOM.

ZACH IS NOW DOWNSTAIRS. HE IS FACING THE STAIRS, LOOKING AWAY FROM THE INSIDE OF THE LIVINGROOM.

DAD (O.S)

That doesn't look like watching.

ZACH

Yeah I am watching... TV.

DAD (O.S)

So cocky.

ZACH

I know.

DAD (O.S)

You aren't going to watch me put these up are you?

ZACH

Maybe later.

ZACH BEGINS TURNING TO WALKING INTO THE LIVINGROOM

DAD (O.S)

When's later because later I’ll be done by then.

ZACH

I dunno, like ten minutes, I wanna watch TV.

ZACH WALKS INTO THE ROOM AND SITS ON THE SETTEE

DAD (O.S)

Really, you wanna watch TV?

ZACH

Yeah.

           

DAD (O.S)

Well, I have news for you kiddo.

THERE IS A PAUSE.

ZACH

Dad, where is the TV?

DAD (O.S)

Back of your mother's car mate, now get up here and help me put these shelves up.

ZACH STANDS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS AGAIN.

ZACH

Thought I was watching you put them up, not actually helping you.

         

DAD (O.S)

I'm gonna need some help.

ZACH

But I'm too lazy.

           

DAD (O.S)

Oh trust me I know, now march your backside upstairs mister.

ZACH

                                                          (leaning against the wall)

But Dad.

DAD (O.S)

No ifs, no buts, no coconuts.

ZACH

It’s so embarrassing when you say that.

                                   

DAD (O.S)

Nobody’s around to stop me so shush your mush.

ZACH

                                                          (shaking his head)

Oh my god enough with the cheesy dad lines.

DAD (O.S)

I’m alright thanks.

ZACH WALKS UPSTAIRS AND BACK INTO HIS ROOM.

8. INT. ZACH’S BEDROOM. DUSK

ZACH

Right, how is this going to work?

ZACH PULLS OUT HIS PHONE AND STARTS DIALING NUMBERS WHILE HIS DAD SPEAKS. HIS DAD KEEPS HIS BACK TURNED.

DAD

Watch me put the first one up, then you can put the other two up.

ZACH:

(Into phone)

Hello?

DAD

Hi?

ZACH

(Into phone)

Crap.

DAD

                                                          (putting down tool)

Excuse me?

ZACH

(Into phone)

No, just sorting things out now. Putting up shelves and stuff.

DAD TURN ROUND TO SEE WHAT ZACH IS TALKING ABOUT.

DAD

Unbelievable, you’re not putting up shelves, you’re on the phone. You’re supposed to be watching, learning and helping.

         

ZACH

(Removes phone from ear)

Dad, do you mind?

DAD

(Raising his voice)

No, do you mind?

ZACH STARES AT DAD FOR A FEW SECONDS.

ZACH

(Into phone)

Connor, I’ll call you back later, Dad’s getting pissy.

DAD STARES AT ZACH WHILE HE ENDS THE CALL.

ZACH

Happy?

DAD

Yes, now, the first thing to do is –

MUM (O.S)

Hello, I’m home.

DAD

(Shouting)

Is this ever going to get done?

MUM (O.S)

What?

DAD AND ZACH LEAVE THE ROOM AND GO DOWNSTAIRS INTO THE KITCHEN.

9. INT. KITCHEN. DUSK

MUM IS PUTTING THE FOOD ONTO PLATES. ZACH AND DAD TAKE A SEAT AT THE TABLE. MUM FINISHES SERVING THE FOOD AND SITS DOWN HERSELF. EVERYBODY BEGINS EATING.

MUM

So, how are the shelves going?

DAD GLARES AT ZACH.

ZACH

Not so well, we haven’t even started yet.

MUM

Oh great.

DAD

It would be done if SOMEBODY would pay attention and help me.

DAD TAKES A BITE OF A CHICKEN WING

ZACH

Sorry, I’m too tired. It’s been a long day.

MUM

Let him rest tonight, love, and he’ll help you tomorrow.

DAD

He’d better, he’s done nothing today.

ZACH

I resent that, I’ve done loads today.

MUM

                                                          (To DAD)

Oh come on love, he’s unpacked a load of boxes today, and he helped me put the fridge in this morning. It’s unfair to say he’s done nothing.

DAD

Alright, that was unfair, sorry Zach.

ZACH

It’s fine.

THE SCENE ENDS AS THE FAMILY ARE EATING.

10. INT. ZACH’S BEDROOM. NIGHT

ZACH IS IN HIS ROOM UNPACKING A BOX OF TOYS AND PUTTING THEM INTO A CUPBOARD ON HIS WALL. MUM ENTERS.

MUM

Your dad and I are going to bed now Hun; Dad will be up to say goodnight in a few minutes. Don’t stay up too late.

                  

ZACH

Alright, night Mum, don’t forget that bedding is on your bed.

MUM

Oh yeah. I’ll go put that on now. Night, Zach.

MUM EXITS. ZACH CONTINUES UNPACKING VARIOUS ITEMS FROM THE BOX. HE PICKS UP A BAG OF MARBLES WHICH SPLITS AND THEY SPILL OUT ONTO THE FLOOR. ZACH NOTES AN UNLIKELY CHANGE IN SOUND AS THE MARBLES HIT ONE FLOORBOARD COMPARED TO THE OTHERS SURROUNDING IT. ALMOST LIKE IT IS HOLLOW.

ZACH

(Confused)

What?

ZACH KNOCKS ON THE FLOORBOARDS AND DECIDES THAT ONE OF THE FLOORBOARDS HAS NOTHING UNDERNEATH IT. HE PRIES IT UP. UNDERNEATHE IS A SMALL BOX. ZACH OPENS THE BOX AND IT REVEALS AN ODDLY SHAPED KEY.

DAD CAN BE HEARD COMING UPSTAIRS. ZACH HIDES THE BOX AND KEY UNDER HIS BED AND PUTS THE FLOORBOARD BACK JUST AS DAD IS WALKING INTO THE ROOM. HE STARTS PICKING UP MARBLES.

                                                                   DAD

What are you doing?

ZACH

Bag ripped, just picking up marbles.

DAD

You want some help maybe?

ZACH

Yeah, if you don’t mind.

DAD

No problem.

DAD BENDS DOWN AND STARTS PICKING UP WITH MARBLES.

         

DAD

Where are we putting these?

ZACH

I’ve just been putting them in my hat, until I can get a new bag of course.

DAD

Get your mother to sew it up tomorrow, shouldn’t take too long.

    

ZACH

Good plan.

DAD CONTINUES TO PICK UP MARBLES AND PUT THEM IN THE HAT. HE PICKS UP A FINAL MARBLE, PLACES IT IN THE HAT AND STANDS UP.

DAD

Is that the last one?

ZACH LOOKS ROUND THE ROOM ON THE FLOOR.

ZACH

Looks like it, thanks for the help dad.

DAD

No problem, now I’m off to bed.

HE HEADS TOWARDS THE DOOR AND TURNS AROUND TO FACE ZACH WHEN HE GETS THERE.

DAD

Alright, don’t stay up too long.

ZACH

I won’t. Night, Dad.

DAD

Night son.

DAD EXITS THE ROOM AND THE SOUND OF HIS PARENTS DOOR SHUTTING IS HEARD.ZACH RETRIEVES THE BOX AND KEY FROM UNDER HIS BED AND EXAMINES THEM.

ZACH

What the hell is this even for, it’s such a weird shape.

ZACH PUTS THE KEY ON HIS BED SIDE TABLE AND GETS INTO BED. HE TURNS THE LAMP OFF. THERE IS 10 SECONDS OF HIM SLEEPING BEFORE THERE IS A GASP AND ZACH TURNS THE LAMP BACK ON. HE JUMPS OUT OF BED, GRABBING THE KEY AND WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM.

11. INT. MYSTERIOUS ROOM. NIGHT

ZACH IS STOOD IN THE ROOM WITH THE MYSTERIOUS DOOR. IT IS VERY DARK, APART FROM THE BEAM OF MOONLIGHT COMING THROUGH THE WINDOW. ZACH WALKS TOWARDS THE WALL WITH THE DOOR ON IT AND TEARS BACK THE WALL PAPER. THE DOOR WITH THE ODDLY SHAPED KEY HOLE IS REVEALED. ZACH PLACES THE KEY IN THE KEY HOLE AND TURNS IT CLOCKWISE. THERE IS A CLICKING SOUND. THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN. THE CAMERA FOCUSES ON ZACH’S FACE AS IT IS LIT UP BY A GLOW COMING FROM THE DOOR. THE SCREEN FADES TO BLACK. THE CREDITS ROLL.